About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
