If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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