It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
