pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
