I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
