My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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