I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize