So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
