my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
