I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
When are your genitals available?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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