i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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