I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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