i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
