I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
