Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dick very happy bro
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
