My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
