At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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