My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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