my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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