We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
