Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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