is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
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I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
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I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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