break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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