i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Your cock deserves a montage
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
