he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
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