Umm I'm too high to move.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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