oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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