Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
