Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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