so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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