This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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