I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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