Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
if only i could text you this smell
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
