Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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