I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
