We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
