"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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