i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
