I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Randomize
