If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
