How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
