mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest