My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm just crazy horny about you
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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