Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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