his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
