Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I lost the right to judge tonight
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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