Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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