He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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