when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
two words...techno handjob
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
