I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
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you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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