Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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