2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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