Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
