Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
