just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
