its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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