If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
