I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
