There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
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But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
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My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful