So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring