I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school