i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
