I am spending my child support on dildos
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated