I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
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he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
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I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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