yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today