i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
