you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
