i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
