I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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