I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
