The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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