If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
