I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
