at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My pussy is not your playground.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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