Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
