Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
