But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
