My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
