The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
