I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
