there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
