if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
