Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
